14. We Are Not Alone

Have you ever felt empty inside and had no idea what to do about it? We all know how shitty that feeling can be, which is why in this episode I talk all about how to deal with loneliness. If you struggle whenever you start to feel lonely, then be sure to keep listening!

A lot of people think that you can avoid feeling lonely by simply not being alone – but that’s a myth! After all, have you ever been surrounded by people and still thought to yourself – “Why am I so lonely??”

The thing is, there is a HUGE difference between loneliness and solitude, and your favorite spiritual bimbo is here to explain the real differences between these two very different states of being.

You’ll hear me talk about the relationship between loneliness and God, the problem with suppressing our feelings, and the importance of getting outside of our comfort zone – plus a whole lot more!

Unfortunately, learning how to deal with loneliness is something that most of us still don’t recognize as a crucial skill to have. But I hope this episode gives you some tools so that you know exactly what to do when you feel lonely in the future.

Because there’s no reason to fear being alone!

“In reality, if you’re feeling lonely, it’s because you’re disconnected from God.”
-Isabella James

Timestamps
0:00 - Intro
3:29 - Mantras + Affirmations
5:23 - The Benefits of Meditation
7:02 - Loneliness is a Disconnection from God
8:10 - Don’t Ignore Your Feelings
10:00 - Do Things Because You’re Happy, Not to Make You Happy
12:35 - Get Outside Your Comfort Zone
16:20 - Fitness is Mental, Physical, and Spiritual
17:14 - Kindness + Detachment
20:48 - Move your body!

Connect with Isabella James
1.    Podcast: https://www.instagram.com/esotericnchill/
2.    Ineedbella.com all my socials
3.    Onlybella.com Free OF

Transcript

00:00:00:02 - 00:00:28:03
ISABELLA
Hello. Hello. I'm Isabelle James, a.k.a. spiritual Bimbo. Welcome to Esoteric Control, where we talk about plastic surgery. Esoteric, obviously. Self development the adult industry and the balance between work and play. We talk about what the fuck We want on here. if you follow me on Instagram, you kind of catch the vibe. It's all about having fun in 3D while still manifesting from the 5d

00:00:28:03 - 00:00:56:18
ISABELLA
reality. If you don't know, you don't know. But now you might know motherfuckers. All right, So today, today, today. Hi. Hello. We are talking about the difference between being alone and being lonely. So as a Pisces Queen, I absolutely thrive and love my alone time. But I'm also like, very much of, like, a social person. I'm much more like a interpersonal social person at.

00:00:56:23 - 00:01:22:15
ISABELLA
I feel like I always have been. But like most of my life, I really did spend like so much time just with people. And I always felt like so fucking alone. Like even when I was with people. So yeah, I did a lot of spiritual work and, you know, still constantly working on my self because healing is not linear and I really feel like I have good knowledge in this subject.

00:01:23:00 - 00:01:42:01
ISABELLA
You know, I spent a good couple of months not being in relationship with anybody. Obviously, I was like interacting with people, but, you know, mostly like on the Internet and then obviously just kind of like interactions, you know, like getting my hair dog groceries. So like shit like that. But for the most part, I was like very much like to myself.

00:01:42:10 - 00:02:02:12
ISABELLA
And that's like when I, like, cultivated this little episode that we're about to get into and I actually have a mantra book, and this is the mantra for the day. I was like, Okay, yeah, obviously I need to finally share my knowledge of being alone versus being lonely because it really all comes back to like loving resolve and being able to be happy.

00:02:02:12 - 00:02:22:03
ISABELLA
Being alone, like society really makes us feel like we need to be like, So what is that codependent on each other? And we're actually like coming out of that. But then it's like on the other spectrum, I want to be like super hyper fucking dependent, and it's actually like a trauma response. We are meant to be in community and we're meant to be like co-creating together.

00:02:22:03 - 00:02:44:17
ISABELLA
I mean, we're always co-creating with God, but we're meant to help each other, meant to thrive together, you know? But it's also just like everything else, you know, like, can't love anyone else if you don't love yourself, it's the same thing. Like, you really can't feel fulfilled being with other people genuinely, not just like on a surface level, unless you are comfortable being alone with yourself.

00:02:44:17 - 00:02:59:18
ISABELLA
And unfortunately, like so many people aren't. People don't want to be face what they're feeling. They just want to keep like eating the fucking food, like drinking the alcohol and just like numbing the real pain. I can say that is because I used to live that life and I would always use people and I was. It feels so fucking alone.

00:02:59:18 - 00:03:29:08
ISABELLA
I'd always be talking to somebody, always being all people, like all the time. And then when I probably like, was with myself, like I fucking hated it. I didn't want to know who I really was. Like, I really just was like, so in my pain body. And once I started, like to sit with those feelings and realize that, like, my feelings do not dictate my reality, like, my thoughts are not dictate my reality, like I dictate my reality and like how I want to respond and responding from just like as such a more like neutral place instead of out of whack is really it's out.

00:03:29:08 - 00:03:53:21
ISABELLA
So I'm going to share what inside of my little book as like so perfect and then we're going to get into it. So you come home, you make some tea, sit down in your armchair and all around there is a silence. Everyone decides for themselves whether that's loneliness or freedom. Super hot. It says a non. But there is actually like a similar quote by Charles Bukowski, which I forget what he wrote.

00:03:53:23 - 00:04:21:19
ISABELLA
He's very famous author. I think Fear ........ in Las Vegas is was a book I knew I wrote that ............ up anyways but he says the same thing you know like some people think that that's being lonely some people think that's freedom. I think it's freedom for sure. Even though like, I'm all about, like connection and love and all of that, you could just express like, but being able to, like, not have to worry about what, like someone else's, like opinion about something like there's, like true freedom and that.

00:04:21:19 - 00:04:41:17
ISABELLA
So it's really about like surrounding yourself with people that obviously like, support your greatest good and aren't going to be like a negative influence in you and your personal goals or personal growth and all that. So as always, it's all about who you surround yourself with vibrationally and just everything. You know, like if you really want to, when you need to make sure you're around winners in every capacity.

00:04:42:06 - 00:05:01:21
ISABELLA
So the rest of it is it's a fascinating notion. Being alone or being lonely, be unafraid to take big chunks of time out for yourself, to feel again into your purpose and simply be Don't fill the gaps of time for fear or feeling alone with your own thoughts. And don't let other people's perception of this time invade your feeling of self affirmation.

00:05:01:21 - 00:05:22:10
ISABELLA
I will learn to enjoy and embrace solitude and silence that's like so powerful. And Kevin Gates, he says something about to like my, you know, my biggest a lot of people do what's like my biggest epiphanies and everything like come to me when I'm alone because that's like truly what it is. And anyone who is gone, you know, is on the healing journey or has been successful.

00:05:22:10 - 00:05:40:23
ISABELLA
It's like your your best time to shine. And like the way you're, like, able to get the downloads is when you're really just like in stillness, like with your cell. And that's like why I'm always like, committed to having, you know, my morning practice. Like, even if, like, I'm only meditating for like 20 minutes or something or like sometimes, you know, I do a bunch of different shit for like 2 hours.

00:05:41:10 - 00:06:11:09
ISABELLA
Sometimes I meditate for an hour or two, you know, like, that's ideal. I would love to do that every single day. But I do have like other commitments that I'm like very happy to be committed to, but I still always honor myself, no fucking matter why I am giving myself that silent time. And like I said, even if it's just for like 20 minutes, I always just have like the most just like trust within myself and within the universe and just being able to, like, really observe those thoughts and just like, prepare myself for the day.

00:06:11:09 - 00:06:27:09
ISABELLA
And like, you know, I've talked to all those patients like before, obviously, but it's really like a practice we're supposed to be doing throughout the day. And it's a practice like, you know what I mean? So it's like it's something that not every day is going to be your best day, but the fact that you like showing up for it, you're doing it.

00:06:27:21 - 00:06:51:18
ISABELLA
It's just like the gym Everything is just like the gym. Okay, So yeah, lonely versus being alone, like, that's what I'm saying. I'm sorry. I look like something in my eye there's definitely a difference because, like, I shared, you know, in my youth, like, I shared, I spent a lot of my life, like, feeling alone, being what people are be I feeling lonely, being with people.

00:06:51:18 - 00:07:13:23
ISABELLA
No, I wasn't alone. So that's why I'm like, Well, this isn't my problem. Not like an existing problem, because its like how the .... with people that I literally feel like lonely, you know, because it's because the reality of you're feeling lonely is because you're disconnected from fucking God. The more you're connected with your higher self, God, universe, whatever you want to call it, the more you feel divinely supported because you're never fucking alone.

00:07:14:04 - 00:07:34:23
ISABELLA
You literally have your fucking guys, you have your fucking ancestors, you have these angels. Like literally looking out there, you have all of these different esoteric, amazing ass fucking guides there for you. And it's really about like just committing to yourself, are able to truly, like, tap in and take their guidance and never feel that like you're in this by yourself.

00:07:34:23 - 00:07:57:09
ISABELLA
Because even if you don't have a community that like completely supports, you are like really great people and you're like, what's hi, hello in there? You can still feel connected. I mean, that's the thing. It's like you can have like the outside community, you know, like there's so many people that have like these big fucking groups of people and it's like all are all like go getters, all like, whatever.

00:07:57:09 - 00:08:17:05
ISABELLA
But the any shit, it ain't share unless you feel fucking connected to yourself. BE Like I said, you're going to feel fucking lonely. And it's so much you know, and it's like if you go to the doctor, they could be like, okay, taking antidepressant. And I remember it's like, I know, it's like, you know, it's very much there's no chemical solution to a spiritual problem.

00:08:17:05 - 00:08:51:05
ISABELLA
I don't like the term spiritual problem, but like, that's so accurate and so many times they just really want you to numb the pain. And I'll be real because I'm just like constantly processing and healing and it's not like I'm happy every day. I'll be fucking real. Like I've cried today, you know, like, and that's okay. And I don't judge myself for that because I need to release those thing in order to truly heal the, you know, the more you like suppressed things and just like another thing, like it's going to keep coming up in different patterns in your life but I'll be real sometimes.

00:08:51:05 - 00:09:07:14
ISABELLA
I'm like, Damn, I'm the Xanax. Like, damn, I wish because I like I just don't you know, I honestly like, I don't want to feel sometimes and more so with me, it's like I just don't want to think these thoughts, but like, that's not reality. And like, like I said, the more you suppress things, it's going to, like, just keep coming up so multi and don't do drugs.

00:09:07:14 - 00:09:48:08
ISABELLA
Kids all do things because you're happy not to make you happy. This is like so huge. Let me shopping as an example because back in the day I you know it's very you know shopping therapy out they call it very much I'm a little ass and I get so like okay you know like they it's very much so like people your immune system it's it's like that dopamine hit it's like I'm going to go scrawls aids blocks.

00:09:48:09 - 00:10:06:15
ISABELLA
I get like openly it's like I'm going to go buy something and make myself feel better. And I used to do that like I would stop me go shopping. But now, like, I think I probably heard this somewhere before. It's you. Like, I genuinely don't like to go shopping and I don't like to, like, conceal in certain aspects if I'm not feeling right, because to me I'm putting that energy into it.

00:10:06:16 - 00:10:24:08
ISABELLA
AM also masking, not dealing with like fake happiness because, you know, I mean, it's just like overstimulation, like whatever or whatever when I'm like, really, you know, it's like we need to sit with it. It's like you're listening to music and stuff. But like, I really do use music, like process my emotions, which I'm sure a lot of you do as well.

00:10:24:14 - 00:10:43:01
ISABELLA
But you know, even like, Oh, get something, get your mind off of it. Like it's just going to keep coming up, you know, like I said, like the buzzing that you just really set with. Like I said, like, I'm not only doing that, but it's like I mindfully not doing things that are just going to numb me from the feeling or just like completely distract me.

00:10:43:05 - 00:10:58:07
ISABELLA
I mean, obviously sometimes there's times that I'm like literally working and stuff like that where it's like, I don't really have the time to just fucking sit and process my feelings. And I'm aware that, you know, like the other day I was like kind of just like going through it and I was like, I have all this work I need to do.

00:10:58:19 - 00:11:14:11
ISABELLA
And I was doing like, I was like, do a podcast interview or something. And I'm like, you know, I'm actually going to drink this caffeine to help with my mood. And just like having the intention and awareness and not like why, you know, I saw the bar. I felt like so happy with that until like I was trying to quit at the let's try to quit caffeine

00:11:14:11 - 00:11:46:13
ISABELLA
I did quit caffeine And I'm able to quit caffeine all the time, but it's like I'm more I mean, just being more intentional that because I do find it being beneficial for myself. But just what to I don't fuck with coffee at all on And also it's just like being like really aware of my relationship with that where it's not just like super habitual and also like what I was noticing before that I was becoming kind of just like you'll ever done cocaine and you just like, got a little too coked out and it's like, you know, like you're like, you don't even really want to talk.

00:11:46:13 - 00:12:01:21
ISABELLA
It is like, so, like, stemmed out. That's like how I was like, feeling so now, like, aware and I'm like, okay, I feel like that I need to take like a little break or just obviously not like, take so much or whatever, but I have a good relationship with or not any other side to it. Anyways, I'm going to take my tits out for the only thing.

00:12:01:22 - 00:12:22:15
ISABELLA
And so yeah, check me out. ineedbella.com like all my social onlybella.com takes you right to my free page. Okay. Oh yeah. Get outside your comfort zone because that's like such a big thing as people get like so comfortable, like in their own petty and their own depression and everything like that. You know, this is about depression.

00:12:22:15 - 00:12:38:02
ISABELLA
It's like to me, it's like when you feel lonely is like kind of .................I like to associate the word depression, but just in general, it's like, get out of your comfort zone, everything. It's like being able to have that discernment. And I realize, like, that's a the issue a lot of us have is not having that discernment, not having that connection to God.

00:12:38:02 - 00:12:56:11
ISABELLA
I have an intuition and at the end of the day, that's where all of this comes around, is being able to really connect with your higher self and really connect with knowing that there is something more than than this body that this lifetime. And that's not something that I can like, make you believe. But just, just looking at this, you know, if you're not into it, I feel like you probably won't be watching this.

00:12:56:11 - 00:13:23:02
ISABELLA
But I'm also super hot, so you just are on a little bit anyways. So guess just getting outside your comfort zone and and I got some say it's not about being lonely and going to hang out with people, but sometimes it is. We all talk about that word like you kind of become like a recluse and like I've had that things as well to where I'm like, .... I really need to like, I really need to just like, get my shit together and go like, hang out with people or whatever, you know?

00:13:24:01 - 00:13:52:11
ISABELLA
So realize like, you know, maybe it's also it's a vibrational thing or it's like the people that you are hanging out with like are just not serving you, you know, and being able to let them go with love and look at different places, you know, like even if like you are bar go or you go to the club or ...... you know, I don't think about going someplace else, you know, even if like, you're not into yoga, like, try I'm going to say go to .......... because yogo classes lit you know.

00:13:52:11 - 00:14:10:19
ISABELLA
I mean, not always like Woo Lucia And like there's I mean, like just something that's like a more healthy environment to, like, hang out with people, you know, or it's like common interests or whatever, you know, like fucking hiking and stuff like that. I know where I live. There's like hiking groups. I've never been on one, but I know they're there, you know?

00:14:12:08 - 00:14:32:20
ISABELLA
Oh, so, yeah, notice seeing your patterns and what, like, truly serves you, you know, if it's like what? Like what is triggering you to feel lonely? Because I know, like, literally earlier today, I'm not even kidding. I was just kind of like, in my feelings. And then I had somebody I knew that literally lives in another continent, right?

00:14:32:21 - 00:14:48:10
ISABELLA
It was like, Oh, like all of us are together and stuff like that. And I'm like, There I was. I was there, you know what I mean? Like, and it's like that FOMO. But then I'm like, Oh my God, I feel so alone. But I'm like, I'm literally not. I was like, Oh, like with my friend. And then I'm like, Wow.

00:14:48:10 - 00:15:04:01
ISABELLA
I just like, I'm kind of feeling disconnected from God right now, you know? And it's like, well, honestly, I have really taken time to sit with that feeling, but I am feeling better, you know? And I realized I realized like where my patterns are and the moments of like, why do I feel this way? Because I wasn't feeling seen.

00:15:04:02 - 00:15:22:03
ISABELLA
I wasn't feeling heard. So I had nothing to do with the fact of like, oh, I'm not, you know, able to go to this fucking little get together or whatever. Because I literally voluntarily not at EDC, right? You know, like I really good. I'm like, I love just being by myself and just fucking doing my thing or just being with like a few people or one person or whatever.

00:15:22:19 - 00:15:40:15
ISABELLA
But, you know, it's all those. Yeah, like I said, like it's still something I'm working on. It's like, been a pattern I've had my entire life or just like, feeling like I'm not, I'm not divinely supported and guided in the way that I am, you know, like my ancestors are here, my fucking guides are here just like they are for you, you know?

00:15:40:15 - 00:16:16:11
ISABELLA
So it's like, fuck, fuck people ... medicine. I got My ancestors rolling with me, baby. Um, so, yeah, just remembering we always have that divinity within us and not like what truly is the most supportive, loving connection that we can ever have in this lifetime. What else is going on? Oh, mental, physical and spiritual fitness. All like at the end of the day, like everything is a practice and every every movement we make, every fucking and on everything we do is a practice.

00:16:16:11 - 00:16:37:02
ISABELLA
And it's so, it's like the choices that we make always are going to dictate our reality, like even the smallest choices. Okay, about like how we eat is really not a small choice. Like what we fucking consume has such a huge impact on our mind or body or spirit like all of that. So it's like realizing where we can better show up ourselves is really going to help our like connection to divinity.

00:16:38:05 - 00:16:56:02
ISABELLA
So why not do it? I'll be juicing. I was using all day yesterday. I don't know how I'm in juice all day today because I just realized I'm going on like a one or two week juice in like a week. So I'm like, Yeah, I should just eat some food. So But I didn't one day and I'm happy about that.

00:16:56:02 - 00:17:15:05
ISABELLA
All right, Be kind to your self detachment. Those are two different things. So be kind to yourself. At the end of the day, it's like, don't judge us all. You know, like I could sit and be like, Oh my God, I can't believe I thought that way earlier, but why would I do that? You know what I mean?

00:17:15:05 - 00:17:38:03
ISABELLA
Like, why would I judge myself for having a feeling or having an experience? You know, it's so much of the negative connotations that we have are from, like, guilt and shame and judgment on ourselves. And like, just reflecting on this time last year, you know, I was at EDC and like all of that happened, I would bring it up, but I was like, So detrimental.

00:17:38:03 - 00:18:00:00
ISABELLA
Yeah, it was. It was so just like, enlightening, like everything that happened and. Hi. Shout out to Gemini season on starting today when I'm feeling that, but it's like really, it's really refreshing to see how much I've grown this last year and I haven't really had time to like reflect on it quite yet, but I know it will come when it needs to come.

00:18:00:00 - 00:18:22:15
ISABELLA
And I'm just so grateful for the growth and just where I am that my life and being sober and just having good people in my life and building my brand even more and just being like fully committed to myself and like everything aligning in the correct frequency, not correct. That's the thing too is like so when people are like, Oh, this is what I want, but it's like you lives, that's what you want.

00:18:22:15 - 00:18:43:03
ISABELLA
Is that what you really need? At the end of the day, it really comes out of that, you know? So yeah. And detachment, detachment from the outcome and just detachment to like how things need to be, how things are going to come to you. Like I had a realization about this earlier I'm not going to go into detail about because it's just, you know, about my private life and everything, my finances.

00:18:43:09 - 00:19:03:22
ISABELLA
But it was really much of like, you know, I had these certain goals and, you know, I was brought to light where I'm like, does it have to come to me this way at the time coming to me, it's already mine, you know, It's about me just aligning to that reality. Because every time this for a fucking one, an illusion, but it's also that everything is happening at the same damn time.

00:19:03:22 - 00:19:29:11
ISABELLA
So it's really about us shifting into a new fucking reality. And in that reality I have these certain things already happening. So I realize I'm like, Oh, it doesn't need to just be this way. Like it can come to me. I can align with it in this way as well. And really just being open up to how things can happen and not getting so attached where it's like people are like, okay, I'm going to meet my partner, you know, I'm going to be out doing this, and then they're going to come to me this way.

00:19:29:11 - 00:19:50:08
ISABELLA
It has to be this way because at the end of the day, we don't have control over anything like we have three. Well, being these, you know, internal, spiritually spiritual beings, I'm a temporary human experience, but it's like in reality, we don't have control over things. So just like lighting trust within the universe, that whatever is meant for you is always happening for you and just let the book go.

00:19:50:15 - 00:20:08:14
ISABELLA
And the more you have attachments that people, places and things and everything like that, like, you know, I think it's Buddha, it's like attachment is slavery. And that's so true. Like, you know, I talk for just like the art of detachment and it's like even, like loving somebody and everything like that. And just now being like, overall consumed with that because, you know, I mean, they not might not be there forever.

00:20:08:14 - 00:20:27:23
ISABELLA
And that's okay because nothing defines you. Nothing makes you who you are except yourself. And that's definitely like part of the like whole entire theme of today, like being alone versus being lonely and all of that is that we are all just divinely connected, divinely spiritual beings and at the end of the day, that's really all comes back to.

00:20:28:01 - 00:20:54:20
ISABELLA
And that's such a beautiful thing, you know, like that's at the end of the day, all we really got a God and we are God. So, you know, let go of All right, thoughts, physical movement. You know, I'm just a huge advocate for physical movement ....... for glitter. Hi. Hello. And it's like, you know, I mean, it's cool to, like, get these gains and everything like that, but like, in reality, like, I've always done it for like mental reasons and it's like science reasons.

00:20:54:20 - 00:21:12:10
ISABELLA
Hello, Endorphins, like all of that. But it's like just also that, like intentional movement of cause, But it's just like that commitment to ourselves to like, Hey, look, I know that made me feel better, even if it's kind of like, uncomfortable at the moment. Like my overall wellness is going to be positively affected. So it's like, why the fuck not?

00:21:12:11 - 00:21:36:20
ISABELLA
You know? And then, Yeah, well, did I say our thoughts? I would really random things more like thoughts, physical movement. Um, but yeah, I thought like, like I've expressed like we're never actually alone. And just like, the more that we have one is that indoor ourselves where it's like, I'm never alone. Like, I'm always divinely supported. And like, physically being alone is such a fucking blessing.

00:21:36:20 - 00:21:51:13
ISABELLA
Because think about what we're like growing up in shit, you know, like, especially like, brothers and sisters. Like, it was like, really hard to be alone or it's like if you got roommates and stuff like that, like shout out. But you can always make time for yourself. Like, I know there's people that were like, I got it too.

00:21:51:13 - 00:22:04:02
ISABELLA
Or it's like I had to take a moment to myself or and like, I go in the bathroom and like, just take a moment with myself, do some breathwork, do some tapping or whatever, you know, just like, get right with myself. And like, that's really what it is like. I see the more like I'm just getting right with God.

00:22:04:02 - 00:22:24:09
ISABELLA
But reality, like we are all God, we're all one consciousness. And so that's how, you know, it's just that commitment to that, to that stillness and to that being alone with ourselves. But like, in reality, you were never actually alone on. All right. Hi. Hello. I'm logging of. I know that my episodes have been a little bit shorter, but here we are.

00:22:24:09 - 00:22:39:21
ISABELLA
I'm just, you know, being a little bit more information on a little bit more connected and not as like free form and everything like that. But I will see you next time. I'm sure you love it because you're here listening to it and I love you. Remember, you can be anything you want to be, so make it good.

00:22:40:03 - 00:22:40:15
ISABELLA
BYE